Oh, here’s a subject!
Isn’t it fascinating how the mind works the way it’s trained to work?! When one gets no sympathy or care from the outside world, one wraps oneself in a cocoon of self-pity which few seem to comprehend or even try to understand. As one grows older, there’s fewer and fewer that appear to genuinely care, comprehend or try to understand.
One loses oneself in the paradigm that is self-pity, feeling misunderstood and in pain. One spends enough time in these murky waters, one learns to find solace in these lonely, desolate thoughts, forgetting to see the truly amazing beautiful things and beautiful life they lived so far. One dwells in one’s own pitiful pain, dictated by social requirements, blind to the warmth of their current bedroom, their cold drinkable water, their warm hot baths at the push of a tap or their light at the push of a button.
Small parenthesis here with an example of brilliant social engineering: I wanted to be 100% sure that what I write in a non-native language is correct, so I looked up “paradigm” and this is what google and duckduckgo came up with, top line, with bold letters:
Now, whom the fuck is merriem webster and why the fuck should I care, when all I wanted was the definition of the word “paradigm”?! I refuse to even want to know whom this rich cunt was. I know she was a cunt, BECAUSE she was rich in an age where being rich meant “more slaves”, anything else?!
So you see, I perceive myself as living in a society that pushes my mind to be filled with useless junk, later deemed as “irrefutable proof”, than actual facts that would help me develop my perspectives and foolish dreams that I may once help humanity evolve somehow!
Going back to my broken psyche and knowing oneself, one must first acknowledge both birth and death to be able to evolve. Few minds alive today can make peace with themselves dying alone, unknown, rotting and in pain, not taken care of by others. This is where I’m different than you. This is a thought that has been close to my mind since I was thirteen years old and wanted to jump in that coffin taking my mother away forever. “Nobody will care! Nobody will know! Nobody NEEDS to know!” … just as the murky waters of self-pity, this thought strengthened me. Gave me wings to soar above most others. Gave me time to make peace with it and acknowledge it’s reality! Gave me the mind to pierce the lies and deceit of today’s status-quo “the less you own, the little you mean”, with not one of those enforcing these rules and ideas being ready to die alone, or even die, for that matter.
This thought, rooted in the worst of desperation and mixed with the hopefulness of a young life, half from the world of dreams and angels, half from the fire-pits of Hell itself, gave me the most amazing, beautiful and fulfilling life any male of my species could have ever wished for, without the need for spilling the blood of others or power or riches. This thought gave me the thirst for knowledge. Know the hidden doors at a glance and wiggle my way through them with the grace of a knowledge hungry maggot (shit, I made some of those backdoors myself, but don’t take my word for it, search packetstormsecurity.org for howlingwolf 🙂 )
Knowing many things deprive you of stupid emotions! Emotions are stupid! Emotions have NEVER kept anyone warm or fed or safe from outside threats. Emotions brought me only pain and suffering. So I choose to shed them, together with everything I physically own.
Mentally, this maggot is ready to transform into something else. Something seen before only in Buddhist monks which rely on thought exercises their entire lives! It will all be done, with the power of my mind! For there hasn’t been a single thing (outside emotions) that I put my mind to work and hasn’t become reality!