Oh, here’s a subject!

Isn’t it fascinating how the mind works the way it’s trained to work?! When one gets no sympathy or care from the outside world, one wraps oneself in a cocoon of self-pity which few seem to comprehend or even try to understand. As one grows older, there’s fewer and fewer that appear to genuinely care, comprehend or try to understand.

One loses oneself in the paradigm that is self-pity, feeling misunderstood and in pain. One spends enough time in these murky waters, one learns to find solace in these lonely, desolate thoughts, forgetting to see the truly amazing beautiful things and beautiful life they lived so far. One dwells in one’s own pitiful pain, dictated by social requirements, blind to the warmth of their current bedroom, their cold drinkable water, their warm hot baths at the push of a tap or their light at the push of a button.

Small parenthesis here with an example of brilliant social engineering: I wanted to be 100% sure that what I write in a non-native language is correct, so I looked up “paradigm” and this is what google and duckduckgo came up with, top line, with bold letters:

Now, whom the fuck is merriem webster and why the fuck should I care, when all I wanted was the definition of the word “paradigm”?! I refuse to even want to know whom this rich cunt was. I know she was a cunt, BECAUSE she was rich in an age where being rich meant “more slaves”, anything else?!

So you see, I perceive myself as living in a society that pushes my mind to be filled with useless junk, later deemed as “irrefutable proof”, than actual facts that would help me develop my perspectives and foolish dreams that I may once help humanity evolve somehow!

Going back to my broken psyche and knowing oneself, one must first acknowledge both birth and death to be able to evolve. Few minds alive today can make peace with themselves dying alone, unknown, rotting and in pain, not taken care of by others. This is where I’m different than you. This is a thought that has been close to my mind since I was thirteen years old and wanted to jump in that coffin taking my mother away forever. “Nobody will care! Nobody will know! Nobody NEEDS to know!” … just as the murky waters of self-pity, this thought strengthened me. Gave me wings to soar above most others. Gave me time to make peace with it and acknowledge it’s reality! Gave me the mind to pierce the lies and deceit of today’s status-quo “the less you own, the little you mean”, with not one of those enforcing these rules and ideas being ready to die alone, or even die, for that matter.

This thought, rooted in the worst of desperation and mixed with the hopefulness of a young life, half from the world of dreams and angels, half from the fire-pits of Hell itself, gave me the most amazing, beautiful and fulfilling life any male of my species could have ever wished for, without the need for spilling the blood of others or power or riches. This thought gave me the thirst for knowledge. Know the hidden doors at a glance and wiggle my way through them with the grace of a knowledge hungry maggot (shit, I made some of those backdoors myself, but don’t take my word for it, search packetstormsecurity.org for howlingwolf 🙂 )

Knowing many things deprive you of stupid emotions! Emotions are stupid! Emotions have NEVER kept anyone warm or fed or safe from outside threats. Emotions brought me only pain and suffering. So I choose to shed them, together with everything I physically own.

Mentally, this maggot is ready to transform into something else. Something seen before only in Buddhist monks which rely on thought exercises their entire lives! It will all be done, with the power of my mind! For there hasn’t been a single thing (outside emotions) that I put my mind to work and hasn’t become reality!

I refuse to hate unconditionally like you would have me to.

I am not the weak minded coward shouting death threats for an admittedly bad joke (stupid kid waves hands around like a chicken and puts his hand literally in my mouth and watcha gonna do? I bit a mother-fucker 😀 ) and then proceeds to hide behind a woman during the argument, which I met last Saturday and then probably went on and killed his school teacher with a machete (I have a very strong feeling it’s the exact same guy – this being the result of the “offended society” I live in, currently).

I refuse to believe your lies. I refuse to turn into the mindless hater that you would have me turn into. I refuse this existence amongst emotional animals, unable to speak reason (my exact words to the “man” described above, right before he pushed me away as hard as he could) or work together for a better world, blinded by what they believe they’re entitled to.

My life taught me one thing: The sole thing I am entitled to is pain. And suffering. And then more pain. Followed by death! How’s about you, entitled one?! Care to measure up? No? I already knew!

The next thing that’s going to happen on a global scale, will be hunger. Followed by war. A war declared by the same self entitled ones, claiming the others “do not share”. That war will become nuclear, because one side will be desperate and the other will be unforgiving! And then we will all disappear into the void of self-destruction which being overly emotional will cause! There is no parallel Universe in which belief and emotions have beaten logic and humanity survived. NOT ONE! You will see I am correct, if you will survive, for I have lived to see this story multiple times in this life-time. From my own helplessness of seeing my mother buried and the useless emotional fights I started as a child when someone would even mention her name, to the unshared love of a woman which has her current husband doubt his own fatherhood of their second child (oh, you thought I didn’t know? Amusing… All one has to do, is see one picture!), to the pretend-friendship of someone that kicked me out of the house, I saw everything based on emotions decline and rot WITHIN MY LIFE TIME!

Therefor, I ask you this: What is the point of surviving in such society? I choose to survive on my own terms! For my own personal enlightenment. Without any of you there to disrupt the things where I find true beauty… A sunset! A single leaf shaking in the wind! I single blade of grass, sharper than any of my swords…

Here lie the last vestiges of my emotions.

… after more than twenty years, she’s still the one that haunts my dreams. I suppose I have what they call “emotional integrity”. Make no mistake. This being only exists in my memory banks. She is no more real than the paper on which these words are written.

Ana-Elena Orbulețu, singura ființă căreia mi-aș fi dedicat întreaga existență, așa cum mai toate visați. Trei nopți la rând te-am visat iarăși, mi-ai blagoslovit existența cu zâmbetu-ți de fiecare dată… Mă sfâșie ceea ce simt pentru trecut mai abitir decât orice creatură vie ar putea și mă dezgustă slăbiciunea asta fatală. Mai bine moartea decât oricine altcineva, n-ai priceput niciodată, așa-i?

Așa cum nu ne putem alege părinții, eu cred că nici pe cine iubim cu adevărat nu putem alege. Iarăși să-ți spui că iubești de mai multe ori într-o viață, înseamnă să te minți singur/ă.

Imaginea ta de atunci, va fi subiectul ultimului gând al existenței mele, tu, cea care m-a găsit a fi insuficient…

Să nu crezi însă pentru o clipă doar, cum că eu aș putea simți ceva față de creatura grotească și futută (la propriu) ce ai devenit astăzi! Nici măcar o clipă! Atunci ai fost frumoasă. Atunci, demult, îmi dădeai aripi. Atunci, când erai neprihănită, precum te-am lăsat… Acum, eu sunt cel ce poate zâmbi cu sufletu-mpăcat 😉

Is too strong to resist. The only way to win, is to deny it battle!

Here’s a simple example of social media giants imposing THEIR perspective and THEIR agenda, disregarding actual scientists.

What I meant by “freeing myself of you”!

It means I will shed everything about this society that I find myself tied to.

This is the ONLY place where I can have an opinion that isn’t boycotted, negated and denied. Building your own is not something many can do!

A society pushing me to hate someone I never met and an entire country for that matter, for a war orchestrated by the U(nited)S(shits) (source), case for which I personally found (in my opinion) irrefutable evidence that they lied (source). Furthermore, there was not a single word from the US about chemical warfare in the Ukraine war, up until the moment Russia discovered the 20+ US funded chemical bio-labs and made that information public. Then all of a sudden, it was Russia that threatens to use chemical bio-weapons?! Too many people thinking themselves “smart” buy into this shit, which made me document deeper and while I can only sympathize with the victims of wars ON BOTH SIDES, I cannot get over facts. The Geneva convention is entirely ignored, Russian troops are literally shot in the testicles after surrendering or being captured (source). The buffoons in Washington, defend themselves with “leave the past alone” and “our past war crimes are none of your business” and “shut up” (source) and “smart” Europeans buy it, I can’t fucking believe this! WHY do we need to be told by the United Shits what to do in our own back yard? WHY would we need the backing of someone that does nothing but lie and pillage with a smile everything they meet, in the name of a democracy they do not even follow or respect?! Follow a weakling which cannot properly control what comes out of his own mouth (source)?! If you doubt my word, I shall demonstrate your (and the media’s) hypocrisy by asking what do you know about the Ethiopian war waging since 2020, because if not for my Ethiopian colleague, I wouldn’t have known either… just to take a little piss on you and your all-out anti-war arguments. You will ALL pay the price of your own naiveté and that price will be cold and hunger, mark my words!

All my life I searched for someone to follow. Someone worthy to die for! A true leader! I’m forty years old and have yet to meet such person. And If you believe that means that I’m the person that should rise to leadership, you’re dead wrong, for I need no one to follow me! I need no power or luxuries, I need no crowds of crazed fans nor have I any need for recognition from anyone! I really just wanted to make the entire world a better place for EVERYONE, somehow, with the little that I know…

My oldest childhood friend just told me that “a friend that left, isn’t a real friend” and I heard him several times referring to others as “his best friend”. Keep them and be well, my friend. In my mouth and in my mind, NOBODY ELSE was my best friend, but you. Was, being the operative word here. Now there’s none but a cancer ridden rodent!

Everyone pretends to fucking care and I can sense it clearly. Even the Ukrainian refugee which contacted me about shelter, LIED ABOUT THEIR NAME and they didn’t like the idea to share a flat.

I shall disappear into the night, with nobody knowing where I’ll go or what I’ll do. I shall commit social suicide, which will probably be a very long and gruesome death, but I feel like there’s no place in this society where there’s any true honor left.

I know nothing but leeches, winging it their entire lives, not truly understanding what they’re doing, trying to profit and take advantage of others and I cannot stand this any longer.

Freedom of speech?! Democracy?! Nah, I know dictatorship… I grew up under one. And yours is a dictatorial shit, where only what you like may be said or posted.

I permanently removed myself from the hypocritical medium which is Facebook.

I get spammed with hateful posts, pushing me to hate Russia and Putin, while making a dick decapitating joke on a funny meme page, gets me a three days ban and the label of “violent”… Bitch, you don’t know “violent”! I could stab in the throat the snowflake that implemented that code or policy! Now THAT is violent! Feels SO GOOD to be able to express myself freely, without impediment

Fuck YOU, I am not the weak-minded influenceable buffoon that most people are these days. You cannot push me to hate that which I do not personally know!!! (such as your filthy platform which I hate wholeheartedly)