But if I didn’t care, wouldn’t that turn me into a psychopath? I’d rather not, thanks very much!

There you go! You have NO control over your OWN information! Just in case you’re wondering.

How many millions should I sue them for this? I think thirteen, since it’s my lucky number 😉

Now, when you’ll be cold and hungry and starving and have no food (and you will! Oh, you will!), I wonder if the LGBTQIA+… will volunteer to donate their rotting carcasses for soylent green to feed hungry mouths (I personally find no greater honor in the use of my dead remains, than to serve as sustenance for others).

I choose to laugh at your world and what you made of it. I was always like Rorschach, seeing the world for what it truly is but chose to be like Blake and take advantage of it, while laughing and spitting truths in it’s face!

Oh, here’s a subject!

Isn’t it fascinating how the mind works the way it’s trained to work?! When one gets no sympathy or care from the outside world, one wraps oneself in a cocoon of self-pity which few seem to comprehend or even try to understand. As one grows older, there’s fewer and fewer that appear to genuinely care, comprehend or try to understand.

One loses oneself in the paradigm that is self-pity, feeling misunderstood and in pain. One spends enough time in these murky waters, one learns to find solace in these lonely, desolate thoughts, forgetting to see the truly amazing beautiful things and beautiful life they lived so far. One dwells in one’s own pitiful pain, dictated by social requirements, blind to the warmth of their current bedroom, their cold drinkable water, their warm hot baths at the push of a tap or their light at the push of a button.

Small parenthesis here with an example of brilliant social engineering: I wanted to be 100% sure that what I write in a non-native language is correct, so I looked up “paradigm” and this is what google and duckduckgo came up with, top line, with bold letters:

Now, whom the fuck is merriem webster and why the fuck should I care, when all I wanted was the definition of the word “paradigm”?! I refuse to even want to know whom this rich cunt was. I know she was a cunt, BECAUSE she was rich in an age where being rich meant “more slaves”, anything else?!

So you see, I perceive myself as living in a society that pushes my mind to be filled with useless junk, later deemed as “irrefutable proof”, than actual facts that would help me develop my perspectives and foolish dreams that I may once help humanity evolve somehow!

Going back to my broken psyche and knowing oneself, one must first acknowledge both birth and death to be able to evolve. Few minds alive today can make peace with themselves dying alone, unknown, rotting and in pain, not taken care of by others. This is where I’m different than you. This is a thought that has been close to my mind since I was thirteen years old and wanted to jump in that coffin taking my mother away forever. “Nobody will care! Nobody will know! Nobody NEEDS to know!” … just as the murky waters of self-pity, this thought strengthened me. Gave me wings to soar above most others. Gave me time to make peace with it and acknowledge it’s reality! Gave me the mind to pierce the lies and deceit of today’s status-quo “the less you own, the little you mean”, with not one of those enforcing these rules and ideas being ready to die alone, or even die, for that matter.

This thought, rooted in the worst of desperation and mixed with the hopefulness of a young life, half from the world of dreams and angels, half from the fire-pits of Hell itself, gave me the most amazing, beautiful and fulfilling life any male of my species could have ever wished for, without the need for spilling the blood of others or power or riches. This thought gave me the thirst for knowledge. Know the hidden doors at a glance and wiggle my way through them with the grace of a knowledge hungry maggot (shit, I made some of those backdoors myself, but don’t take my word for it, search packetstormsecurity.org for howlingwolf 🙂 )

Knowing many things deprive you of stupid emotions! Emotions are stupid! Emotions have NEVER kept anyone warm or fed or safe from outside threats. Emotions brought me only pain and suffering. So I choose to shed them, together with everything I physically own.

Mentally, this maggot is ready to transform into something else. Something seen before only in Buddhist monks which rely on thought exercises their entire lives! It will all be done, with the power of my mind! For there hasn’t been a single thing (outside emotions) that I put my mind to work and hasn’t become reality!

I refuse to hate unconditionally like you would have me to.

I am not the weak minded coward shouting death threats for an admittedly bad joke (stupid kid waves hands around like a chicken and puts his hand literally in my mouth and watcha gonna do? I bit a mother-fucker 😀 ) and then proceeds to hide behind a woman during the argument, which I met last Saturday and then probably went on and killed his school teacher with a machete (I have a very strong feeling it’s the exact same guy – this being the result of the “offended society” I live in, currently).

I refuse to believe your lies. I refuse to turn into the mindless hater that you would have me turn into. I refuse this existence amongst emotional animals, unable to speak reason (my exact words to the “man” described above, right before he pushed me away as hard as he could) or work together for a better world, blinded by what they believe they’re entitled to.

My life taught me one thing: The sole thing I am entitled to is pain. And suffering. And then more pain. Followed by death! How’s about you, entitled one?! Care to measure up? No? I already knew!

The next thing that’s going to happen on a global scale, will be hunger. Followed by war. A war declared by the same self entitled ones, claiming the others “do not share”. That war will become nuclear, because one side will be desperate and the other will be unforgiving! And then we will all disappear into the void of self-destruction which being overly emotional will cause! There is no parallel Universe in which belief and emotions have beaten logic and humanity survived. NOT ONE! You will see I am correct, if you will survive, for I have lived to see this story multiple times in this life-time. From my own helplessness of seeing my mother buried and the useless emotional fights I started as a child when someone would even mention her name, to the unshared love of a woman which has her current husband doubt his own fatherhood of their second child (oh, you thought I didn’t know? Amusing… All one has to do, is see one picture!), to the pretend-friendship of someone that kicked me out of the house, I saw everything based on emotions decline and rot WITHIN MY LIFE TIME!

Therefor, I ask you this: What is the point of surviving in such society? I choose to survive on my own terms! For my own personal enlightenment. Without any of you there to disrupt the things where I find true beauty… A sunset! A single leaf shaking in the wind! I single blade of grass, sharper than any of my swords…

Here lie the last vestiges of my emotions.

… after more than twenty years, she’s still the one that haunts my dreams. I suppose I have what they call “emotional integrity”. Make no mistake. This being only exists in my memory banks. She is no more real than the paper on which these words are written.

Ana-Elena Orbulețu, singura ființă căreia mi-aș fi dedicat întreaga existență, așa cum mai toate visați. Trei nopți la rând te-am visat iarăși, mi-ai blagoslovit existența cu zâmbetu-ți de fiecare dată… Mă sfâșie ceea ce simt pentru trecut mai abitir decât orice creatură vie ar putea și mă dezgustă slăbiciunea asta fatală. Mai bine moartea decât oricine altcineva, n-ai priceput niciodată, așa-i?

Așa cum nu ne putem alege părinții, eu cred că nici pe cine iubim cu adevărat nu putem alege. Iarăși să-ți spui că iubești de mai multe ori într-o viață, înseamnă să te minți singur/ă.

Imaginea ta de atunci, va fi subiectul ultimului gând al existenței mele, tu, cea care m-a găsit a fi insuficient…

Să nu crezi însă pentru o clipă doar, cum că eu aș putea simți ceva față de creatura grotească și futută (la propriu) ce ai devenit astăzi! Nici măcar o clipă! Atunci ai fost frumoasă. Atunci, demult, îmi dădeai aripi. Atunci, când erai neprihănită, precum te-am lăsat… Acum, eu sunt cel ce poate zâmbi cu sufletu-mpăcat 😉